Im not Sure..

Well My lifes moving not as fast as id like but im still here and im working on my problems and im trying to not let things bother me that are way out of my control. Lifes a long confussing math problem that ill never be able to solve, and im learning to live with that. Im keeping a journal and im try to keep track of my mind but i well.. im not really sure where ive placed it and intel i can find it im going to keep searching. Ive never been able to talk to anyone and well anyone able to talk are unable to completely grasp any and all of my problems because my life is so screwed up and confussing i dont know how to fix it.

Im about to loose my one hold on sanity that keeps me out of bed, my job. All over a stupid missunderstanding and medical issues i was going threw that trashed my body, my soul and my mind .. i feel like ive lost all of them and im missing this HUGE hole that got torn out of me. The sad truth about that is well, i did it, i did it all to myself and theres never any going back.. no matter how you lable something.. you cant change it and heck i still cant figure out if i would or not.. but hey thats life.. right? or am i missing something? i wish this blog would magicallly give my some kind of anser that i cant seem to find.. im so tired of life and fighting it everyday .. i need help..